Why does play therapy take so long?

I get a lot of people wondering why my initial block of therapy sessions is 12 (or 10 for young people). Here's why.

Play and creative arts therapy is relational. There are toys and art materials and puppets and games and movement activities, but the real work is done through the child or young person's relationship with the therapist.

People have a tendency to see the word 'play' and make a presumption that children come along and play or make art. They think I offer some interventions and explanations and then change happens, but much as we might like that to be the case, I'm afraid it does not work that way.

Firstly, if someone is referred to me for anger or emotionally based school avoidance or anxiety then they are not going to wander into my therapy space and feel comfortable to expose that vulnerable part of themself. The part that people have probably been telling them they shouldn't be showing. I'm some woman they've never met before; and despite the fact that I know I'm delightful and have an enhanced DBS; they don't. I'm trained to build relationships with children, but I do it in a specific way (which in the early weeks has a lot to do with reflective responding), and most of them will not have experienced this before. Basically, at first I'm a stranger who has a weird habit of repeating things back to them. So before any change can really happen they have to get used to me and to trust me. In my experience this takes about six weeks. Some change can happen before then, but six weeks is the average. They also have to get used to the idea of coming to a space where they can do anything (as long as they don't hurt themself, me, or break anything on purpose). This is a concept that many children find utterly alien. They are used to adults telling them where to go, what to do, how to be, and suddenly here's me telling them they can do whatever they want. It'd be a worry if they didn't think this was odd.

So once children have taken roughly six weeks to get used to the routines and expectations of play therapy, have got used to me and my funny reflective ways and have begun to be able to expose the more vulnerable sides of their personality, then the real work can happen. They can start to mend the bits of themselves that hurt and try out new ways of being.

Young people often go a little faster, as they are more likely to come into therapy because they want to, and so have a clearer idea of what they want to get out of the time.

However; change takes a while. Think about all the times you have tried to make a change such as eating more fibre or going for a daily walk or remembering to put your phone on the other side of the room when you're trying to concentrate on something (just me?) You've read a book or done a training or joined a club and for the first two weeks everything is dandy because you are filled with a righteous motivation to make the change. And then three weeks in you have a bad night's sleep and the train is late and just like that you are back to eating pizza and scrolling while sitting on the sofa (totally a valid self-care choice by the way and I'm very good at sticking to it). Change takes repetition before it becomes habit and no amount of enthusiastic habit-stacking is going to create a short cut to that. This applies just as much to therapeutic change as it does to my wish to lift weights twice a week. We need time to embed the changes.

Then, once we have reached a stage where change has happened and it has become embedded, then we need to bring the therapy to an end. This too takes a while. We do not rock up one day and say 'Well done, you did it, here's a certificate.' We give the child or young person time to get used to the idea that they aren't going to come any more, and to process that change. We honour the relationship that we have built together.

If your child or young person needs help and you'd like to find out more, book a free 15 minute consultation.